I majored in language.
I’ve always believed words — how they’re used, formed, and interpreted — are one of my strong suits.
But then I learned there’s another kind of language that’s even more powerful. One that can make or break how we feel seen, appreciated, and loved.
It’s called a love language.
The Day Joyce Changed My Perspective
It was my friend Joyce who casually brought it up one afternoon in one of our random sleepovers. We were talking about relationships when she said something that hit me like a revelation:
“You have to love someone based on how they want to be loved — not how you want to give it.”
Wait, what?
Up to that point, I thought love was just… love. You show up, you give what you can, and that should be enough.
But the more she explained it, the more it made sense.
It’s not that your effort doesn’t matter — it does. But if that effort doesn’t speak the same language as the person receiving it, it might not land the way you hope it will.
That conversation sent me down the rabbit hole of the Five Love Languages.
The Five Love Languages
Dr. Gary Chapman introduced this idea that each of us tends to give and receive love in five primary ways:
- Words of Affirmation – Being told “I love you,” “I’m proud of you,” or “You’re doing great” makes you feel valued.
- Acts of Service – Love means doing things to help lighten their load (washing the dishes, fixing something, showing up when it counts).
- Receiving Gifts – Thoughtful gifts, even small ones, make you feel remembered and cared for.
- Quality Time – You feel most loved when you have someone’s full presence and attention.
- Physical Touch – Hugs, kisses, hand-holding — affection through physical connection speaks volumes.
I took the test. My top results?
Quality Time and Acts of Service.
That tracks. I love deep conversations and thoughtful gestures. But more importantly, I realized something: we all have different love languages — and often, our partner’s doesn’t match ours.
Learning His Love Language
I believe I already found “MY PERSON”.
My person/partner is a seafarer.
That means in a year, we only get around five months together in person. The rest is a long-distance relationship (LDR) spread across oceans and time zones.
LDR is not for the faint of heart. It demands trust, intentionality, and, as I’ve come to learn, a whole lot of love language decoding.
His top love languages?
Physical Touch and Quality Time.
Now imagine the challenge of someone whose love language is touch… and he’s on a ship halfway across the world.
I can’t hug him through a video call. I can’t hold his hand when he’s anxious. I can’t run my fingers through his hair when he’s tired.
And sometimes, that breaks my heart.
We even had a rocky stretch while he was onboard. The distance took its toll — on both of us.
Messages got misinterpreted. Silence became heavy. I started to wonder if we were even on the same page anymore.
But recently, we had a deep talk — one of those honest, no-egos, bare-it-all conversations that shifted things back into alignment.
Since then, it feels like we’re slowly finding our rhythm again.
And today, after several days of staying at my place, we’re spending time at his and his parents’ house.
It’s a small change — a new environment.
But to him, it means a lot.
It’s time spent. It’s presence. It’s love, in his language- well, and also mine.
Aligning Effort, Not Just Intention
Love isn’t just about meaning well.
It’s about translating effort into what actually fills their cup.
For me, that means:
- Being present on our calls, even when I’m tired or busy
- Saving photos or moments so I can share them when he’s feeling homesick
- Planning our next adventures together — because shared time is his fuel
- Giving physical affection generously when he’s home — hugs that linger, kisses that reassure, holding hands even when we’re just walking to the store
And you know what?
It’s not always natural. It’s not always convenient.
Sometimes I want to express love through acts of service — cleaning the house, running errands — and while he appreciates it, I can tell it doesn’t light him up the way simple closeness does.
So I adjust.
Not because I’m changing who I am.
But because love, in its purest form, is an act of translation.
Of choosing to understand. Of meeting them where they are.
What I’m Learning
Love is fluid
We’re not meant to be rigid. Adapting to your partner’s needs is not “losing yourself” — it’s expanding your capacity to love better.
Effort matters most when it’s aligned
Even a small act — a five-minute cuddle, an uninterrupted conversation — can be more meaningful than grand gestures if it matches their love language.
Self-improvement includes relational awareness
Loving well is a skill. It takes observation, communication, and unlearning.
The goal isn’t perfection — it’s intention
You won’t always get it right. But if your heart is in the right place, and you’re open to feedback, your love can evolve beautifully.
Final Thoughts
They say love is a two-way street.
But on some days, you’ll walk a little further. You’ll give more.
Not out of obligation, but because you see them. You understand them.
And you care enough to meet them in their language.
Sometimes, you don’t even like them — but you still love them.
And that’s the quiet power of choosing them, every. single. day.
Aligning effort with your person’s love language isn’t about losing yourself — it’s about learning how to love bigger, better, and braver.
So today, on Day 4 of this self-improvement journey, I’m not journaling or working out or crushing a to-do list.
I’m just learning to love in translation.
And that, I think, is a practice worth mastering.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q1: What are the five love languages?
The five love languages are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch, as defined by Dr. Gary Chapman.
Q2: Why is understanding your partner’s love language important?
It helps you express love in ways your partner truly values, leading to deeper connection and better emotional support.
Q3: Can your love language be different from your partner’s?
Yes. Most people have different primary love languages, which is why understanding and adapting is key to healthy relationships.
Q4: How can I show love in a long-distance relationship?
Focus on love languages like quality time through calls, sending thoughtful messages, and planning shared experiences together.
Q5: Does aligning with love languages mean changing who you are?
Not at all. It’s about expanding how you show love — not losing yourself, but growing to meet your partner where they are.